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May 20, 2017

I guess I know why but I don't

Is it freedom I've given?

Or granted or allowed or whatever.

I think it was like 10 days or more maybe when we planned to spend the night together tonight, and less since it seemed like the whole day was free and we could start whenever.

But the choice was yours and that's totally cool. I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel or not feel knowing that the choice you made simply didn't involve me.

And it crushes me to think about the sort of situation I'd need to be in in order to do that to someone, and the answer is it'd be my chicken-shit response to someone who I didn't actually want to hang out with.

So.

I get it.

I'm lame and just not that exciting and pretty much unworthy of anyone's attention or second look or love. Like I really like, feel stupid for thinking this was anything at all. I just wouldn't do that to anyone and I am really hurting trying to figure out why someone did it to me.

You don't even know me. And you decided that based on what you do know that I'm not worth your time.

I guess that's it then.

Got it.