Dec 5, 2007

December 5th, 2007

Sometimes I'd like to scream violent until the vibrations tickle the outer walls of this world, a protest against the injustices and unfairness large and small but then again, without this imbalance there'd be no stories to tell. The Garden of Eden would not be a regular haunt for this guy.

Dec 4, 2007

December 4th, 2007

I've taken notice that I do not journal as much when life is going well. For a moment I wonder why chronicling this meager life seems less enjoyable when things are going all right and in a straightforward direction? It's the simple attraction to conflict and discord, of things not matching up, where things are yet out of order and need to be righted.

Last night at band practice I nearly expressed as much to Ryan. I couldn't halt what was welling up inside me and was about to tell him that I simply love life in this specific place and time, this period of calm, but I stopped short and said "I love...that we've been coming up here to play every night."

He's going through a divorce right now. Sorry your life is shit, buddy, but I'm doing great! No. You just don't do that. Given all circumstances, he's doing quite well. He's dancing with anger and acceptance. He's got both down pat and this we can all see with the variety of four and five letters words and their variations he can now use to describe his ex-wife, in the intertwined phrases that you'd dare not say in front of your mother.

Ryan is thankful for this change, and will not waste the chance of new beginning. As 9/5 said, change is good and necessary. And so it is. So my confession right now is just that: I feel in embrace with the world surrounding. And for now, I will keep that secret, projecting this warmth in my silent meditation, while things are holding their places, still knowing that though skies are clear above, somewhere else it is raining; and after all, the clouds are always on the move.