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Feb 22, 2006

Dear Phillip Morris...

I felt it necessary to sit down and take the time to draft you a letter about the current state this man, who has in his time purchased and smoked hundreds of packs of cigarettes.

I have not smoked a cigarette in three days, with aid from the nicotine patch. Physically and mentally, I feel much better. Granted, I had a hell of a time sleeping the first night, but last night I dreamt nothing and slept soundly like this guy does in my advanced composition class each time we meet.

Speaking of class, I am a senior at a small liberal arts college in Wisconsin with plans to graduate this May. At the current moment, I have no promising job prospects. Hell, I don't even know where I'm going to live.

This is where you come in. I've noticed as of late the myriad of ads on television about how you are making great strides in helping people to kick the habit that you profit so much from. I think that this is an admirable thing, and as a smoker in the process of quitting, I'd like to help you in your efforts to get people, especially the youth, to quit smoking.

That's right. This is where I come in. You should give me a job. I'll be graduating with degrees in writing and liberal arts, which means I can communicate in a halfway decent manner, and I'm good with people. Putting those two things together, I think you should fly me around the country to anti-smoking rallies, conventions, and even high schools so that I can speak and help people devise their own plan to quit smoking. The kids can relate to me, cause I'm young and it hasn't been too long that I've been out of their shoes.

I have the experience, the sense of humor, and the empty wallet which are three things that give me a great incentive to do good things for you and your current efforts in the anti-smoking campaign.

I see this as a mutual relationship that could grow into something meaningful. You should help me to help you.

Sincerely,

Mr. Burns

Feb 15, 2006

Don't Watch the Evening News...

Cause a lot of the time it sucks, nothing but stories of misery. A Milwaukee-area Piggly Wiggly has had some thefts as of late. Women are having their wallets snatched from their purses while shopping. They turn away to grab an item and the thief deftly moves by, stealthily pocketing the wallet in the process.

One woman had to be almost eighty, and with a thick eastern European accent. Her wallet was stolen. Inside was a rare photograph of her husband, who is deceased. She said something like money can be replaced, but she doesn't know if she'll ever see the photograph again. The wallet will probably get dumped in the garbage can, photo still in it, while the money'll be spent on drugs, or goods to sell for drugs. What a wonderful world it must be for the thief and victim on this evening.

There was another large fight at a high school basketball game.

In class last night my teacher said that I have an eye for the little ironies in life. Here's one for you, though it's not so little:

New Hope School for Science and Technology, a Milwaukee Public School, will be forced to close down. Ouch...aren't the children supposed to be our future's only hope?

Feb 14, 2006

Happy Valentines!

It's that day of the year again and apparently it really isn't a Hallmark holiday because somewhere I'm remembering that St. Valentine did exist at one point and what he would do was secretly marry couples, because at that time, the order was for the men to remain unmarried with the presumption that they would make better soldiers without a wife and kids. Valentine was eventually executed for his role in the weddings. This is what I remember. I could be off. Either way, if you couples out there are doing it right, every day should feel like Valentines Day.

Feb 2, 2006

If There's One Thing I Hate in the Morning...

...More than a cold shower it's a lukewarm shower. When the water's cold, at least you know it and expect it. But this lukewarm, in the middle, oh-I'm-kinda-uncomfortable spray of warmish cold water annoys me. I liken it to being pissed on, though I can't say I know what that's like. But I bet it would put me in similar mood?

Feb 1, 2006

Run-Down

Sick.

Tired.

Slept eight hours but some bug that I caught makes it seem like I've slept none, that someone's taken a baseball bat to my head and now I'm just an incoherent zombie.
I think I'm over the worst of it, but still feeling extremely run down.