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Nov 7, 2005

The Parrot Story

This is true. Names have been changed.

Jim had a talking parrot. We'll call it Chester. He lived in a climate that allowed him to keep the parrot outdoors, inside the screened porch. Jim's house was on the corner of the block. For quite a long time, each morning a bus would pull up at the corner, and the ear piercing screech of brakes was laid out hundreds of times for Chester to study.

And it did learn how to mimic that sound. Why do you think Jim kept the bird outside? There was a particular man that walked to work, right past the porch each day. Probably nearly shit his pants the first time he heard that high-pitched screaming coming from the house. After a while, the man began yelling obscenities at the parrot.

"Shut the fuck up!"

Chester would then screech.

"God damn bird!"

How long this went on, no one is sure, but regardless, it was long enough for the bird to learn those words as well. When Jim's friends would visit, they'd end up rolling on the floor in laughter as soon as they entered.

"Hey Chester, how's it--"

"Shut the fuck up!"

And everyone hit the floor.

"God damn bird!" Chester said.

Then they all pissed themselves.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.